Counseling for Men where Dad left his mark on You

He wasn’t there the way you needed him to be, and you carry that pain with you every day.

The greatest gift to yourself is to be a better man than he ever was and ever could be.

OC Men’s Counseling in Newport Beach Father Wound Counseling for Men 20341 SW Birch St #320, Newport Beach, CA 92660

Dad was physically there but emotionally gone

You wanted to play with him, spend time with him, be acknowledged by him. But he always had a reason, an excuse why he couldn’t be there the way you needed. He worked too much, was always tired, could look you straight in your eyes, and you wouldn’t feel the connection you’d been longing for. You were so young and maybe didn’t even have the words to describe what you were feeling. All you knew was that there was this profound emotional distance between you, even when you were only a few feet apart. Now you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t worth the time of others. You wonder why it’s so hard to have friendships. You wonder why rejection hits you so hard. you wonder what’s wrong with you.

Dad abandoned you or was never there

Maybe the only thing left is a faint memory of a person you don’t even know anymore. Or maybe for the longest time, it was only you and mom, because he left before you drew your first breath. All you know for certain, he made a choice that has affected you since forever. And you’re the one left carrying the pain from his choice. It’s one thing for people to enter and leave your life. It’s another when that person is your dad. You have so many questions about why this happened to you, and little to no answers from your life that has shown for it. Now you look in the mirror and think “why wasn’t I good enough for him to stay”. You see yourself fundamentally as unworthy of people staying in your life. You believe you’re just not worth the time.

Dad hurt you physically and emotionally

He beat you. He yelled at you. One or both. Scars run deep. You could tell when he had his bad days from the sound of the front door, his footsteps, the change in tone of his voice, the one look in his eyes where you knew it was coming. You couldn’t defend yourself from the onslaught of abuse. You didn’t know what to do with this big, scary thing you couldn’t run away or hide from. You were defenseless and powerless to him. You can’t look at him without remembering what he did to you. Now a man yourself, certain words people use, movements they take, bring you right back to when he did those things to you. To everyone else in the room, it seems like nothing, but you’re the one who remembers. Or perhaps the anger you witnessed has taken root in you. You struggle to keep it in check, but you’re afraid of turning into him.

Dad died

He’s gone. Whatever you thought of him, you know you’ll never see him again. Never a chance of knowing how good a person he was and could have been to you. Never a chance of him having redemption in finally having a good relationship with you. He’s gone, and you will never have that chance with him. Memories begin to fade. You’re forgetting how he walked, the sound of his voice, the way he lived. Eventually, the day will come, and you’ll realize you’ve lived longer than he ever did. You will wonder what life would have been like had he been there to guide you the way you needed all these years. Everything from then on is all on you, until the very end. You see yourself alone in figuring out your identity without reference of the man who came before you.

You’re the one left scarred…

  • You’re lost because your dad never guided you the way you needed

  • You fail at relationships at every turn

  • You’re scared you’ll hurt your kids the way your dad hurt you

  • Consumed by trying to get things right

  • You run from the pain into drugs, alcohol, or porn

  • Your anger and narrow mindedness dominates you

  • You don’t trust anyone

  • You think very lowly of yourself

Imagine what your life would be like if all of this wasn’t holding you back. If there was nothing that tethered you to the past in a way that prevented you from being all that you could be. No excuses, no patterns of mistakes, no dissapointment from those around you, and most of all from yourself.

You are not responsible for what happened to you. What you do with the hole left by your father will determine what kind of man the world will see.

Growing into the man you want to be is hard. Staying where you’re at for the rest of your life is even harder. You do get a choice. Bryan of OC Men’s Counseling guides you on a path to be the version of yourself you’ve needed all these years. Bryan’s warm light helps illuminate what has been so hard to see. You can finally…

  • Have a confident relationship with your child, knowing you won’t become your father

  • Let go of the weight your father put on you

  • Feel motivation and direction in your relationships, career, and self

  • Go at the pace of life you want, without feeling guilt or shame

  • Feel proud of the person you’ve become

  • Trust others without the fear of them hurting you

  • Fill the hole your dad left in you